How Not To Blog ?

Awesome.. here's one way to rid the world of lots of people. Kill 'em all! The Pope's tomb will soon be open to tourists. Fuckers hold nothing sacred. If they're doing it the true Italian way, they will charge an admission fee. What else to do with a church that's quickly losing relevance in modern society? Milk it for what it's worth. Perhaps the next black Pope will bring the soul back to the church. People are funny. Lexis/Nexis has enabled quasi-public access to their massive database of consumer names, addresses, telephone numbers, social security numbers, criminal records, and other juicy details for years. If you worked in a law office, accounting office, or any other office with access you could literally find out anything on anyone. I have discovered that most people don't give a shit about much of anything. They have never learned how to use their brains. Sad. Somebody is too damn lazy to fix "the lazyweb". Get off your ass and stop the horde of blank posts. Yeah, but people are still too polite to take a shit while talking on the phone. Really, I'd rather hear a strange echo than listen to you breathing heavily, sweat dripping all down over the receiver. Would Jackson please kill himself already? That's the story we're all waiting for. Are they fucking suprised? Idiots. I'm actually hoping that one and the Lake Toba supervolcano will go off shortly. Perhaps then we'll all stop Ok. So the new Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy sucks. So what? It's not your movie to begin with. Come up with your own damn work of art. So now the bitch is a prolific Amazon affiliate. At least the books don't suck like the website. Funny, people still want to kiss his ass. Or, is it shock from being raped? Where's my porn podcast? I wouldn't listen to any of it but it's the only way internet technologies will rapidly evolve - cause people are more enthusiastic about having an orgasm than improving the internet landscape for the sake of it. (Fucking web elitists.) You actually read this shit? Do you expect me to wipe your ass and cook your dinner? Get off the fucking internet and go outside before they close it down! You don't want to be like these dumbfucks who think being on the web is an obligation. You'll still be cool if you don't know what's going on this very second.

In continuance of the Jason Kottke saga*, today we find Elliot Back's analysis of just how lazy the dude has become.

The "now-a-full-time blogger" is actually posting less than he was when he was only a part-time blogger.

As I've been saying all along, folks, it's all a sham. Milk users' pocketbooks for his pathetic cause then introduce "friendly" advertising in a month or so after. Do people really expect him to "experiment" with blogging full time, surviving only on the kindness of user donations (which, by my calculations have added up to a little over $20,000 for this begging season - it'll be much less next season), and still being able to keep up with his Manhattan digs and life in one of the most expensive cities in the world?

*the blogger who quit his job to blog full time. See:

Kottke looks to BoingBoing for inspiration
The Kottke Saga part IX-573
Kottke's Begging Goes Corporate...slowly
Begging... I mean blogging

Kottke's blog, ad whore-to-be, points us to a post on GlassDog that discusses the fucked up state Boing Boing has gotten itself into with too much on-site advertising.

And if Boing Boing were a corporation ? oh, wait, it is; that?s what the little ?LLC? down in the corner means ? they?d be the first in line to point a finger at that big, sticky wad of hype and say, ?Um. Really?? These champions of the purity of the Web, these advocates of transparency would be poking holes in that balloon before the clown got it out of his mouth. It?s just that pointed fingers get awkward when you?re in front of a mirror.

So many sites that love to beg for money complain about their high hosting bill. True, you can get 1.2 terrabytes of bandwidth for only $100/month. Sounds like a bum with a sob story about how he needs money for busfare.

This is typical for ass-kissing blogs like Kottke's. He doesn't mention it until someone else does. Now, BoingBoing must respond because they've been outed by 'respected peers', even though everyone's been thinking it all along.

Dumbasses, all of them.

While we await blogger-turned-beggar Kottke to psyche everyone out and announce his advertisers, we must first congratulate him on being #4 Yahoo result for "begging blog". (When he's sleeping his ranking falls to #6.)

As Jason "Sally Struthers" Kottke mentions in the note section of the PayPal form:

In considering an amount, try $30 on for size. It's $2.50/mo. over a year and it'll qualify you for one of the nifty gifts being given away. For you, $2.50 is a coffee in the morning, a magazine at the newsstand, or a beer at the pub but in the aggregate, it will help me immensely. But any amount -- from $5 to several hundred million dollars -- is welcome and appreciated.

So, anyone searching for a begging blog will surely find him.

I'm surprised my dirty mouth hasn't inadvertantly made HNTB the #1 result for "asshole blog".

"In deciding to start my own little company of one...", Kottke writes in his blog.

Apparently, he's decided to take the advice of this blog and introduce advertising into his blog. But he wants to introduce the idea slowly.. like it was actually you, his faithful readers, that thought of it! How original.

He then goes on a whirlwind tour of other entities like Craig Newmark (of Craigslist fame) and Flickr, and how they magically put ethics before profits. If you say you do, you probably don't. But I'm sure you feel bad about taking money. Now you have no job.

What he's really saying is, "Thanks for the money, suckers. Now I'm going to get even more money advertising."

Here's one of the best quotes:

Google is aiming high -- focusing on the long term, trying not to be evil, taking on risk, not giving too much control of the company over to shareholders...

That's pretty funny. Whose illusion would that be, anyway? Whoever buys that crap, I guess. Google belongs to the shareholders. It is now their company to control. Many shareholders work at Google, true. But employees get human and sell out. I'm sure in the long term Google will end up like Microsoft, in the hands of mom and pop. And they don't give a shit about the "not being evil" part. They want a good ROI for their retirement and for their grandkids.

There are lots more people other there doing wonderful things with their business lives (37signals, the independent Mac developers like Ranchero, Delicious Monster, and Panic, etc.) but that's enough for now.

I'm sure it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"Until next time", ladies and gentlemen. "Wait until you see the wonderful advertisers I've lined up."

Sly prick...

The pathetic saga unfolds. I wonder what effect this will have on his street cred. As long as other bloggers continue to kiss his ass (such as bloggers do), they won't mind.

p.s. I'm sure he's going to upgrade to a new 42" plasma with your money.

Less than 3 days of sitting on the toilet thinking what am I going to do with my life, registering a domain just for the hell of it, then launching How Not To Blog to unleash hell like Maximus, one of the blogs down below gets a mention on Corante.

...If you like a bit of bile with your breakfast, it's worth checking out the site: How Not to Blog launched on March 1 and in less than 72 hours, has already given Bronx cheers to Google, Jason Kottke, BoingBoing and the Apple iPod Shuffle.

Makes me sound like a bat out of hell. If my calculations are correct, I will be burnt out after 18.5 days. Like a horse going too fast out of the gates, or grandma getting up too fast out of bed to make your bile breakfast.

I didn't know anyone was reading this shi7, especially not within so little time. I guess there's just no privacy nowadays. The problem with most blogs is that they're usually dishonest about their surroundings. And that's strange because normally in faceless social interactions people are much more honest because of the enhanced sense of anonymity. But I guess when you have your name plastered everywhere on your blog you gotta kiss some ass to build up your cred points. Or perhaps I'm confusing angst with honesty, and not realizing the true value of social capital. Geeks have to make up for their lack of social grace somehow, so it might as well be kissing ass online.

Unfortunately, I have no Bronx cheers for Dominic Basulto or Corante New York. I don't even know the kok-sucker.

Look forward to more oddly self-congratulatory posts like this one. At least for the next fortnight.

Jason Kottke, blogger extraordinairre, has resorted to begging. Jason recently quit his job as a circus clown in order to blog full time. He has a page where he takes Paypal payments and credit cards, and checks.

I almost donated $300 to his cause. NOT!

Get a f557ing job, moron! Do you think people will continue to support your pathetic cause? Why is it pathetic? Not because you're not a good blogger (you are) but because you haven't sold out yet. I know, I know.. you see the on-rush of other people making a nice living with their blogs (mostly through advertising and other sponsorships) and figure you can do the same thing. But you want to do it with a clean conscience, not accepting any advertising whatsoever. Only subsisting on the kindness of others through their financial contributions.

If it works, hundreds of other popular bloggers (read: not me) will try the same thing and the market for begging bloggers will be saturated, driving your profit margins below the grave and into a Chinese sweat shop.

Fucking advertise and get it over with. You already advertise yourself like a cheap hooker with lime-green spandex. And you advertise your ideas everyday, as well as products, services, people, and other websites you like. I can't count all the ads on your begging page in good time. However, I did catch your referral code in your Movaeble Type link pointing to www.movabletype.org/track/?kottke .. nice. It looks like you're a whore after all). You link everywhere buy up my grandpa's fat ass. But you will not do it for money. (At least, not yet.)

Pathetic sites like this one can't do it because nobody would want to advertise here. (I could always install Google Adsense. Heck, they'd take anyone.) Sell out already!

I will support your sponsor, but I will not sponsor you.